Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
