I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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