Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize