Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
