You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
