Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
