I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
