thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
