I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
