WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
