I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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