How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
