If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
