i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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