It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
