Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
