plz talk dirty to me
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
