I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
