My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
