party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
