her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I need to stop coming to work sober
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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