She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
