Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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