Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
