I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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