nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
