So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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