I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize