Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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