no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
