I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
