Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Randomize
