i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
