Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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