just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
