i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
