so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Randomize
