they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
