brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
