He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize