I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
