I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize