I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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