So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
