I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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