life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
