I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
