Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
