i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
