How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
