Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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