There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
