Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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