you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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