I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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