I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize