Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Let's get the cat blown out
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
