Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
