He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
