question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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