Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
