Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
