Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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