it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
