The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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