In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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