I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
