great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
