I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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