Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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